counting our blessings

it's difficult sometimes to count our blessings when we loose someone to the finality of death. i tend to want to scream and yell and shout and cry, yes cry, the hard ugly sobs of true sadness. death comes swiftly, quietly, right in the middle of a regular day, death comes and steals from us someone me may have just kissed yesterday, the sweet smell of that life still lingers nearby, how can they be just gone?

i wrote to one friend about Heath Ledger's death and she wrote back "What is a health ledger?"

i must admit i didn't know much about him, i haven't seen Brokeback yet, i mostly fell in love with his face on the news, such a beautiful jaw, a majestic forehead and he reminded me of my first love Steven James who also died young while trying to save his mother in a house fire. i cried and i wrote to my daughter and she wrote this:

Okay, so you should watch "A Knight's Tale" One of my faves, great (funny) Heath
Ledger movie....he was so good in The Patriot and (Brokeback...you should see
it, it's just a really sweet and sad love story, it's not visually graphic) He
also starred in that Bob Dylan movie that Tom and I just saw- "I'm not there"
He was a total babe and it is just heartbreaking....I guess he had a really hard
time sleeping and just accidentally took too many pills...poor baby.
When we found out last night Tommy said...
" That's trippy....he's just gone....Poof! Heath Ledger is gone" -nuff said
Life is short and fleeting and we need to cherish all of it....

this was going to be a happy week, my new mystic haze carpet arrived and i painted a little of the room in preparation, i had a fine fire going and i started to move paintings in to the newly carpeted space. but then i saw a face on the news that swept up dusty memories and i just started crying. my fires gone out. it snowed this morning.

i'm remembering a story i saw of a woman who had lost her four year old son to cancer and her husband was angry and just pissed off at the world and couldn't move on and yet she had an amazing buoyancy and she said she just felt blessed that she had those four years. it wasn't a lose, she didn't loose anything, instead she was so grateful for having known that love at all.

i'm going to rent some of those movies from netflix. i am going to get the fire going again. i will post a video real soon of the mystic haze and some of my unfinished art.

peace.