Rainbows and Goddesses in Training

dancing in my kitchen

laughing on the lawn

beautiful granddaughters

playing in the rainbows mist

 i was bidding and watching an ebay auction and i was feeling so great and confident.  i have bought and sold from ebay before and i knew there was the chance that the last five minutes i could still get outbid, so i sat refreshing the page every 5 seconds 

just to be sure i was still the high bidder.

then when there were only 35 seconds left 

all of a sudden 

someone comes bursting out with a higher bid and 

i tried to put my new bid in and hit return 

and boom i was outbid 

and the sale was over 

i was so shocked i didn't get that one. 

 i mean i really really felt like i had that one.

 Suzi Blu has a great conversation 

going on over at her place

 and it has been about vulgarity 

and freedom and art 

and the myths of lady-like and 

socially accepted values and a whole lot more.

i embraced vulgarity and ranted

Visual changes made me sick, all of a sudden

 the computer screen seemed to be caving in, i stood up and my entire body glowed red, 

i lay on the coach but then the heat and sweat overtook me and i had to find the cold floor and i vomited. thought i'd die it lasted so long, puking emotion.  i have to admit i did begin to make deals with the devil 

after i'd been throwing up all night monday and 

all day tuesday saw the doc again wednesday and 

got a shot in my butt to stop the nausea so today i'm back. 

I heard today again:

we can choose to be

choose to be bitter and sad and sick

or

we can choose to be happy and fairly healthy

today i choose to be happy even tho my butt still hurts from the shot.

thanks Suzi i love your art and your attitude.

we love it we need it we want it

rainbows and promises

Valentine

this is a picture of my first grandson with my daughters hands which equal love. i can feel the love. but really ok because i know no one comes here to visit and see this i can honestly tell you i cried all day long. i don't really know why. but it's true i did. but then i went over to youtube and i have to tell you the youtube community is so wonderful and full of love. i feel better now.
so if any one is listening, seriously go to youtube, rate the videos and comment on them and you will feel the love. if you don't, come back here and cry with me and we can make art to heal we can we will. ok i'm feeling better now.

Sunshine

it is so important for me to remember to see the glass is half full, and be grateful for my life.
i tell myself to smile.
i have projects going in every room
i feel the confusion
i think i can finish them
before they do me in.

some unfinished art of mine

It snowed all day

counting our blessings

it's difficult sometimes to count our blessings when we loose someone to the finality of death. i tend to want to scream and yell and shout and cry, yes cry, the hard ugly sobs of true sadness. death comes swiftly, quietly, right in the middle of a regular day, death comes and steals from us someone me may have just kissed yesterday, the sweet smell of that life still lingers nearby, how can they be just gone?

i wrote to one friend about Heath Ledger's death and she wrote back "What is a health ledger?"

i must admit i didn't know much about him, i haven't seen Brokeback yet, i mostly fell in love with his face on the news, such a beautiful jaw, a majestic forehead and he reminded me of my first love Steven James who also died young while trying to save his mother in a house fire. i cried and i wrote to my daughter and she wrote this:

Okay, so you should watch "A Knight's Tale" One of my faves, great (funny) Heath
Ledger movie....he was so good in The Patriot and (Brokeback...you should see
it, it's just a really sweet and sad love story, it's not visually graphic) He
also starred in that Bob Dylan movie that Tom and I just saw- "I'm not there"
He was a total babe and it is just heartbreaking....I guess he had a really hard
time sleeping and just accidentally took too many pills...poor baby.
When we found out last night Tommy said...
" That's trippy....he's just gone....Poof! Heath Ledger is gone" -nuff said
Life is short and fleeting and we need to cherish all of it....

this was going to be a happy week, my new mystic haze carpet arrived and i painted a little of the room in preparation, i had a fine fire going and i started to move paintings in to the newly carpeted space. but then i saw a face on the news that swept up dusty memories and i just started crying. my fires gone out. it snowed this morning.

i'm remembering a story i saw of a woman who had lost her four year old son to cancer and her husband was angry and just pissed off at the world and couldn't move on and yet she had an amazing buoyancy and she said she just felt blessed that she had those four years. it wasn't a lose, she didn't loose anything, instead she was so grateful for having known that love at all.

i'm going to rent some of those movies from netflix. i am going to get the fire going again. i will post a video real soon of the mystic haze and some of my unfinished art.

peace.

what to do what to do phase one of lumpy gravy

ok so the guy is coming tomorrow to measure the room for my new carpet and i'm so excited but i just realized i really should paint before it gets here but what color? the room is on the north side of the house so it stays cool and in the summertime it is a great place to hang out when the temps soar into the 100's. the carpet i ordered is called 'mystic haze' and looked very magical in it's tiny 3"x 6" sample piece at the carpet store. somewhere in the low purplish color range i think, although i get very confused with all of the choices so i hope when it gets here i like it.
so what colors to consider for the walls and ceiling that is the challenge. Help! i am putting it out into the universe to be considered.
meanwhile i have to empty the room of all that little annoying stuff that is everywhere, always overflowing from baskets...
it looks like the room just threw up. Blah!
stuff oozzes out and screams at me
" look at me"
and
"tell me again why i am in your life"

i get that one alot.